Chris Saunders: the hero next door: a remembrance and a revisit

I wrote this appreciation to Chris Saunders last year. Tomorrow, the 21st of September, will mark the day we lost Chris. Before he passed, I spent many hours with him talking baseball, politics, but the most special discussion was his demand that I tell him the complete plot to my new novel Meet Me at Moonlight Beach. He loved writing and was a wonderful wizard with words. Chris insisted on introducing me to his friends as "the author, Bob Pacilio." I wish he could have wrapped his fingers around the novel that he listened to in his hospital bed. The novel is dedicated to him.

For thirty two years, I taught about fictional heroes, but for the last three years a real hero lived next door. My neighbor Chris Saunders passed away on September 21, 2017, and yesterday hundreds of folks came to honor him and his family. It was gut wrenching. It was inspiring. It was courageous. It was nostalgic. But above all, it communicated one simple truth. Chris was a hero.

To the thousands of students I taught, you may remember Chris as a channel 8 news reporter for twenty years. Perhaps these pictures will sharpen that recollection of him.  I am writing this for you and for all those folks out there in the ‘cloud’ who may not know that a person like Chris Saunders can bring out the hero in YOU.

I will not make an attempt to equal the eloquence of those who spoke of him. No one could bear witness to Chris’s heroics more than his daughters; Juliet and Hillary. Theirs was a bedtime story told of a father who transcended what is usually expected of fatherhood. One knows deep in our souls that a child’s most important teachers are parents, and the greatest of those parents make it their sacred duty to have their children evolve to a higher level of consciousness and spirituality than they have. That was a tall order for these young women, but Juliet’s and Hillary’s words spoke volumes of what Chris taught them.

Chris was never alone in this endeavor. Courage takes on many forms, but his wife of forty years, Marsha, embodied exactly that courage as she faced the cancer that took her soulmate’s life. The Celebration of His Life was her tribute to a man who promised to always and forever walk with her, hand in hand.

He loved the truth and he told the truth in every endeavor. Those of us who knew him, even briefly, heard the stories of his reporting with the Innocence Project, and the people he helped get out of the prison. Prejudice and ignorance were often the causes; however, he spoke truth to power. More importantly, he lived his truth. When Chris Saunders said he would do something, he did it to the best of his abilities.

Chris loved music. He could play any guitar and in the

words of Bruce Springsteen “make it talk.”

He always made us laugh…even when his pain was unendurable.

Today, I ask each of us to continue to follow his lead: listen, be kind, sing your song, stand up for what is right because it is right, read to your children, and love family unconditionally. Nothing would make Chris happier. And that, my friends, is what heroes do. Even when the chips are down, they never stop believing in YOU.

So yesterday “there were teardrops on the city”—today, we try to make a difference.

Imagine that.

The Moshers: Jack and Karen: The Autumn of Their Lives.

I write this message to the thousands of people that Jack and Karen Mosher touched in the 80 years that they moved from season to season. I am embarrassed because I planned on writing it in the summer, but no excuse will suffice.

We lost them both in a blink of an eye. Firs

t, Karen’s unexpected death in her sleep, then Jack’s in similar fashion weeks later. The memorial was held after Karen’s death in Palm Desert. I do not know if there will be another for Jack. Knowing Jack, he wouldn’t want a big fuss over him, but he always took great joy in celebrating Karen and the gifts she brought to his life and his children’s lives.

I met Jack in the teacher’s workroom at Mt. Carmel High. He looked like Earnest Hemingway and he sounded like him. The more I had coffee or played golf with Jack, the more I realized what a full life he lived. He wasn’t much of a phone talker, but he’s the only person I ever knew who answered my calls with a chipper, “Well, hello there, Bobby.” I always called him “Chief.” Just walking the golf course with the Chief was a lesson in loyalty, honesty, goodwill, and love.

Karen was his angel. She was the piano teacher to so many children who tried their best for her. My wife Pam and I watched both our children play and sing, Anna did most of the singing and Nicholas did most of the playing. Karen’s patience and generosity was a testament to that word again: love

They fell for each other when they themselves were mere teenagers and their affect never wavered through the tumultuous decades that followed: Vietnam, civil rights, the sexual revolution and the technological advances to come. What always amazed me was that they were always on the right side of history, and as the times changed, they grew and adapted—embracing new ideas, new skills.

Many of you reading this had “Mr. Mosher” as your teacher or your European tour guide or your coach on an Academic team, etc. For me, he was always one of my mentors, but despite never taking a class from him, I learned so much. He knew I didn’t know Picasso from Pacino; Carl Jung from Neil  Young; from Walt Whitman from a Whitman’s Sampler—but Jack, who knew so much, did not parade his worldliness. He would wink at me when he knew that I had finally gotten it.

After Karen’s death, I called. I got a very subdued, “Hello,… Bobby.” Then he said, “You know, I was always the one who was supposed to go first.” I was not sure what to say, even though that is what most everyone thought, but I never expected death to catch up with them so soon.  I said I hoped to see more of him since his family was nearby in Carlsbad. However, he solemnly replied, “I don’t think so.” It was foreshadowing, and he knew it. Those words were his last to me.

He and the love of his life Karen now rest in a better place…together. And piano plays an Irish jig.

God Bless them both.

 Bob Pacilio and all of us who had the great pleasure to be a part of the Mosher’s Café.

Al Franken: Giant of the Senate: An elixir for what ails America!

Honest. Hard working. Hilarious. Humble. Harvard-whip smart. (and Hey, I can't think of any other

H words to describe this memoir from Al's time at SNL to his present day service in the senate.

Let's start with 'honest.' Al bends over backward to tell the reader (me and his loyal constituents in Minnesota) why things happen in DC, and what he has and has not accomplished. He answers the question: why does congress fail to serve the American people effectively?

He is 'hard-working' because...well, ‘who would think’ a comedian could be a senator? (Of course, our president, as he points out, is another example of ‘who would think’ a seven time bankrupt businessman, womanizer, narcissist, name-calling liar could make the 'bully' pulpit his own golden throne? The difference is Al reads stuff--everything he can get his hands on--and Al knows what the heck he is talking about.) Simply because he was comedian and is now a senator is what drives Mr. Franken to prove himself to his colleagues and constituents.

Hilarious--why? Well, as a senator he had to learn that jokes don't always play well, but as an

author...all bets are off. (Just read the chapter on Ted Cruz. I will not spoil or steal any of his jokes.)

His humility is evident in one simple sentence: his devoted wife of 30+ years made ‘the speech’ (and the admission) that, he admits, got him elected. He knows he won election by 314 votes--and Frannie helped tip the scales. (That’s right …314…and it took 8 months to sort it out. I know, inherently comical.)

As for Harvard, he is very self-depreciating, but clearly, he is one of the smartest senators in the room; maybe not the most versed in parliamentary proceedings or protocol, but reading his book helps explain fact from fantasy (or plain ol' BS) on issues like health care, global warming, etc.

One more thing—he respects and admires his ‘esteemed colleagues on the other side of the aisle—

and works with them. He cannot understand why there is not more of that. (Of course, he skewers them when they deserve it, also known as the Merrick Garland Obstruction decree.)

For me the overriding theme is this: Politicians must do what is best for all the American people. Politicians must not serve for the purpose of continuing to win back their seat--but rather to win back the trust in the people. His votes must be for the greater good and advancement of humanity (see global warming chapter). He derides the fear mongering and the zero-sum game that is being played by too many politicians (translation:  to win means I get more and you get less--and if you get nothing, well, too bad.) In the words of Bruce Springsteen, a non-Minnesotan like me: Nobody wins unless everybody wins.*

(*At least everyone should be given an equal and fair opportunity to succeed.) 

 p.s. Al's pictures are also really funny and the last chapter is heartfelt and poignant.

p.p.s. Dang it, I should have put ‘Heartfelt’ in the introduction.

p.p.p.s People who think the title of the book “Giant of the Senate” is egocentric need to look up the term ‘humorous irony.’------------>>

Everything I needed to know I learned from 'To Kill a Mockingbird"

Gang: Mississippi just doesn't get it. I taught 'Mockingbird' to 9th graders for 32 years. It was by far the gateway novel to discuss issues of compassion and tolerance and how only by understanding others via 'walking in their shoes" can all the little "Scout's" out there understand why we have done the things we (continue) to do. When school boards ban it from the curriculum,I guess they just don't want to hear about America's continuing issue of race (not to mention the hypocrisy of  religious extremism and sexual harassment--all subtle sub-themes). Just remember this, banning a book that is the #1 "Most Influential Book" (other than the Bible, Koran and Torah) according to the Library of Congress, will just make more children want to read it...just as they always have since 1960. 

If you don't mind, here are some of the lessons I learned while teaching this novel for 32 years. 

1. "If you can learn a simple trick, you'll get along a lot better with all kind of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.step into their shoes and walk around for a while."

2. "It's not okay to hate anyone."

3. "Our courts are the Great Levelers."

4. "There is evil in the world, Son. I'd like to keep it from you, but that's not possible."

5.“The one thing that doesn’t abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience. Before I can live with other folks I’ve got to live with myself."

6. “Simply because we were licked a hundred years before we started is no reason for us not to try to win.”

7. "People in their right minds never take pride in their talents."

8. “I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It’s when you know you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.”

9. “This time we aren’t fighting the Yankees, we’re fighting our friends. But remember this, no matter how bitter things get, they’re still our friends and this is still our home.”

10."Most people are, Scout, when you finally see them." 

Just a simple message about the division in politics and the affect on citizens.

Gang: Regarding the ''Who started it first?' Debate on the aggressive, attack language, It is a counter productive argument that only leads to a Hatfield- McCoy conclusion.

Of course, the Trump Train is the engine pulling all the cars, but that train left the station back in the 1960's ( at least) and attacks just go unabated. Perhaps, rather than that metaphor that Mark Twain used in Huck Finn (with different family names), it would serve the nation to remember that 'a plague on both houses' can only be truly ended with real change.

The most obvious to me is the weapons used in violent attacks.. Both sides need to agree on one simple thing : we have a right to have a gun or rifle, but all assault weapons of of the nature used in the recent assassination attempts in DC on Republicans must be banned. Confiscated with restitution if necessary.. Both sides give in. Gun checks and gun show sales need closer scrutiny.

First, come together in deeds, not just words and then recognize the that debate on issues is not a call to arms. We need a "Farewell to Arms"

With apologies to Twain, Hemingway and Shakespeare.

Bob Pacilio

Addendum: (After two of my former students commented on FB explaining the confusion about what is an 'assault weapon', here is my reaction:

I've thought more on the subject and your replies. Yes, the crazy folks will look to do as much damage as possible. Note: in Britain with restrictions on guns, the assailants use their cars. Imagine if the had access to some assault weapons? As for The Constitution., the 'right to bear arms' is not my issue- it is about the right for citizens to carry military grade assault weapons. Surely, the number of rounds fired in so quick a time is part the 'prevention' needed since sometimes it gives defense a chance to stop an assassin; no real prevention can stop the 'suspects' because the number exceeds 300,000 in major cities alone. As for comparisons to prohibition, bootlegging liquor is a different skill set to these precise weapons. Yes, it can still happen. The question is this : taking no action means no effort is made because it may not be substantial. My position in terms of a divided Congress and nation is an effort will at least tell Americans that the government has drawn a line at a particular weapon of choice. 

 I also am quite proud to say both of my former students knowledgeable opinions regarding the definitions of 'assault weapons' speak volumes about their understanding of this debate. However, just today, it was on reported that 70 % of guns confiscated by Mexican police are made in the USA. it is a sad truth that this, of all products is what nations want from us the most. Ironically, these same weapons land into the hands of cartels and the used against us.

The killer at the baseball field had one type of 'assault weapon. So did the kid at Sandy Hook and the killer in Arizona with Gabby Giffords...I agree with both of my former students that it is a tough call, but doing nothing is just that, doing nothing. Virginia has no gun restrictions whatsoever , not even registration.

My knowledge of firearms is very limited. The bigger point is whatever the issue or the type of forearm, etc. it is the act of compromise not just the talk of 'getting along better'. So since this recent event highlights the gun debate,but still the sides will not compromise. I believe  some substantive compromise can be a start. Look to the global warming crisis. Neither side makes a move to do something significant.

 The 'coming together in Congress' talk is cheap; it is what compromises that actually occur where both sides give a little.I chose gun legislation as an example since it was on the hearts and minds of so many in Congress...but alas, little will be done.

Sorry for my longest blog...ever.  Bob

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It's a 35 year Throwback! Rock of Ages at Mt. Carmel: 35th Anniversary!

Well,  Gang: we are all a bit older but in March of 1982 we did the unimaginable--an original musical with a live band, dancers,and a history story-line about rock and roll with killer music and images. I was reminded of this when I was talking to Marc Attinasi (our freshman drummer and my neighbor) yesterday.

So for all of you out there in Blogger land (or on Facebook) here is something to show your friends, kids, grandkids, and anyone else who doubts you were ever a 'star.' Thanks to Linda Englund's direction and Les Gripkey's band leadership, as well as Eugia Edwards, choreography. Norm Testa's family made a video/ cd of the show in its dress rehearsal (no audience) so ask me about it--or ask Norm.

Please spread the word on FB and/ or follow my blogs. As for me, the author, teacher, and such--I'm retired for last 6 years, written three novels, seen my Readers Theaters performed by other directors, which includes "Whitewash" (four times) and "Rock of Ages" in Long Beach (once by a teacher / alumni who saw the show way back when and asked for the script).

To find out about my novels, go to www.robertpacilio.net ...and yes, I still 'perform' for classes and at conventions.

One last thing, Megan Murray/ McPherson called me one day to tell me there is a FB page called "Mr. Pacilio made a difference in my life." I was blown away, and I still am when I meet folks I taught --even back when I had hair. You can reach me on FB or email me at robertpacilio@gmail.com

I'm celebrating my 32 year of marriage to Pam and I have two adult 'kids'--working in SF and DC. (A proud Dad...)

Thanks for all the memories and all the chances you took on this crazy teacher who always wanted the 'Big Dance Number!"

"The Bob Show-LIVE from the "Metaphor Cafe" musical guest Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band

This is part 1 of "The Bob Show" that I 'performed' for Teach for America candidates at National University.

They were a wonderful group. I cover some of the basics of teaching in the first 20 minutes with my theme: "Teaching and Inspiring are NOT Mutually Exclusive!" I open the show with Bruce Springsteen's song "We Take Care of Our Own" and ,eventually, on to how to speak TO students not AT them. It is funny, I hope, and also inspiring. 

Here I cover the real 'four standards' and I speak about the power of thinking. This is fundamental. But first, kids must know reading never, ever going out of style (it is not 'trending'); then speaking and listening is under emphasized (students and teachers both need this skill); the ability to write also is so critical to all students and teachers must put in the time to read their students' work carefully (even if it is a science lab report or a math problem that shows their work!). Finally, without the ability to think, creatively and logically--well, what's the point of education? We cannot memorize our way to a better, more knowledgeable citizenry. Teaching is about answering the questions HOW? and WHY? See Part 2 in the next exciting episode of "The Bob Show-LIVE" for more exciting thrills and classroom chills. BTW, I go to schools and speak to teachers and students--and, of course, my YA novel "Meetings at the Metaphor Cafe" has the fictional Mr. Buscotti's lessons seen through the eyes of four wonderful students.
Go to www.robertpacilio.net for more information.

I have seen the future of the 49th Congressional District and its name is Mike Levin !

(Okay, two notes: 1. I did steal Time Magazines's 'Bruce Springsteen cover' title, and 2. this is my 50th blog posting; however, none could be more important.

The good news is that today I saw Mike Levin, an environmental attorney from coastal Orange County. He has decided that he has had enough of Congressman Darrell Issa and his petty, backward, callous voting record. I encourage all of you in the 49th District (Encinitas is part of the Southern California coastal district) to support him. Mr. Levin is smart and well spoken. He understands the energy industry and its impact on global warming. He thoroughly researched Mr. Issa's voting record and knows his dirty secrets. For example, he wants a Texas firm to dispose of the nuclear waste from the San Onofre power plant. This firm has already been fined twice for improper disposal of nuclear waste.This same company is connected to Rick Perry, another Republican climate denier and big fossil fuel cheerleader. But that is not all of Mr. Issa's dirty laundry.

For 16 years, Darrell Issa has wasted time and money in Congress denying climate change, holding needless hearings concerning Hillary Clinton, and voting to repeal Obamacare 57 times. As the most wealthy member of Congress, and with a gerrymandered district, he has been untouchable until last year when he retained his seat by a mere 1,621 votes (normally he wins by 20+ thousand votes). Unfortunately, the Democratic challenger, Doug Applegate, had too much 'baggage' in his personal life, which Issa used to malign him.

The most impressive quality that Levin displayed is his temperament. He calmly explained how a disastrous house bill that has no Congressional Budget Office score was passed with the deciding vote attributed to Issa--vote 216. This bill has no cost estimate yet, will knock 20+ million people off insurance,and allows insurance companies to weasel out of covering some people with pre-existing conditions.

Mike Levin has an impeccable resume. He is forward thinking and knows the Trump agenda that Mr. Issa embraces with glee, despite the evidence that renewable energy is America's future; that Obamacare is more popular than ever; and that a 20+ billion dollar wall between the USA and Mexico (that America will pay for !) is not supported by the majority of voters or legislators on the border.

Mike Levin sees the future in a world that author Tom Friedman argues is accelerating rapidly. That makes Mike Levin a political rock star...if we are wise enough to listen to him.


GO to   mikelevin.org   for more information. 

p.s. California’s 49th Congressional District includes coastal northern San Diego County, including Oceanside, Vista, Carlsbad, and Camp Pendleton, as well as San Clemente and San Juan Capistrano in southern Orange County.

Jimmy Kimmel got it right: others don't get it at all

Mr. Shapiro wrote an article for the "Daily News" (whatever that is), and said Jimmy Kimmel was wrong in saying that Obamacare didn't save his child because the hospital he was served at was a private one paid by charities. He continued by saying that if you are not willing to pay for insurance when you are healthy, well, that's on you.

Shapiro ignores the point of Kimmel's speech: what happens when YOU ARE BORN WITH PRECONDITIONS. Without an ACA mandate that insurance companies cover that person you will be either denied or the cost will be so horrendous with premiums and deductibles that bankrupt the person. He also assumes that insurance companies 'go bankrupt' covering folks with preconditions and the ACA (Obamacare) is to blame. Here is the reality according to the LA Times' Michael Hiltzik:: " The higher costs faced by insurers in the ACA market demonstrate how much medical care was being foregone by Americans who couldn’t get insurance in the past. A cancer patient who was uninsurable in the past is now eligible for care.


In the words of Charles Gaba, whose tracking of ACA enrollments is an indispensable resource, “Without the ACA, they'd be utterly screwed and would very likely go bankrupt trying to pay the full price for treatment, or die without it … Now multiply that person by several million others with similar horrible ailments, and the question is no longer purely about ‘how much will it cost’ but also ‘how many lives can we save’ and ‘how much pain/agony can we relieve?’” Tell these people that Obamacare isn’t working." So again, Shapiro does not get it. Some(one/organization) must pay for the extra coverage. True. That is why reform and NOT reject the ACA is the answer. The best reform is to increase the cost and mandate that the younger low-risk folks pay more and to keep a clear eye on the profit margins and risk analysis of the insurance companies. They are not in the medical care business--they are in the make-a-profit business. When you see the top executives in these industries and Big Pharma losing a few million in bonuses, then we are working together. See below:

Note: the ''losses were in the hundreds of thousands for United Health Care (one of the biggest) in a quarter of 2015. They didn't like that...so they took their business and ran away. But just try to find out how much the top dogs get paid and you'll see just how the company is suffering! Oh, look...I did it for you. How do these 'guys' sleep at night? How indeed.

There is never a 'free ride' but there is greed. And greed is the order of the day.

To My Friends on the Other Side of the Aisle--Part 2

I was asked by the smart people at SMART (Social Media Approaches for Resisting Trump) how I communicate with Trump supporters. In Part 1 of my blog, I cautioned folks about the “Blow it all up! Brigade, a camp made up of mostly family. My advice: Stay Calm and Listen on…then walk away. This group has no intention of opening their minds, and in the end, they will cause heartbreak.  

So that brings us to the Republicans whom you can have a positive discussion. These friends have the sense to not discuss politics unless it comes up naturally in conversation. They are not going to threaten their cherished friendship with you over the latest Trump tweet. They will diplomatically say: “I can’t stand Trump-he’s an idiot, but I can’t vote for Hillary so I voted for McCain”; “I have friends who are legal Mexicans and they don’t favor the Mexicans coming here ignoring our immigration laws”; “Let’s give him a chance”; “I’m concerned with his climate change policy, but on jobs, he understands business and government over-regulations.” Now with these folks, you can share some food for thought.

First, Tom Friedman’s newest book Thank You for Being Late is spot on. Some of his best arguments remind us how Americans really do believe in the idea that ours is the finest government, still far from a “more perfect union.” Here is an excerpt (I hope he does not sue me):

“The G.O.P. used to be an incredibly rich polyculture. It gave us ideas as diverse as our national parks (under Theodore Roosevelt), the Environmental Protection Agency and Clean Air and Water Acts (under Richard Nixon), radial nuclear arms control and the Montreal Protocol to close the ozone layer (under Ronald Reagan), cap-and-trade to curb acid rain (under George H.W. Bush), and market-based health care reform (under Mitt Romney)….And for decades the party itself was a pluralistic amalgam of northern liberal Republicans and southern and western conservatives.” 

Knowing this information will make you grow in the eyes of the folks who are life-long Republicans and, well, it’s the truth. However, in the next sentence (pg. 321), Friedman puts the pedal to the political metal.

“But in recent years the Tea Party and other hyperconservative forces, also funded in large part by fossil fuel companies and oil billionaires, have tried to wipe out the Republican Party’s once rich polyculture and turn it into a monoculture that’s enormously susceptible to diseased ideas: climate change is a hoax;….All this weakened the G.O.P’s foundation and opened the way for an invasive species such as Donald Trump to make deep inroads into the garden.”

Perhaps sharing Friedman’s history lessons may help in communicating to moderate, fair minded friends. I will usually admit both political parties have their corruptions, and I agree that what is best for the country matters, not what is best for a politicians’ future. You can remind them that Obamacare votes by Democrat congress-folk cost them their jobs, but 20 million un-insured people finally got a break and improving the ACA is best course of action. Why? The premiums without the ACA would rise anyway, and the insurance industry is not interested in your preconditions or accepting ‘no lifetime maximums’. Remind friends that President H.W. Bush’s actions in Operation Desert Storm (by not invading Iraq) hurt his re-election chances, but history showed he was on right side, and a man of honor. (Avoid mentioning his son’s invasion of Iraq years later.)

Second, you need to reach common, respectful ground. One of my friends served admirably in Vietnam and is pro-military and pro-Trump. He has seen death and destruction. Normally, GI’s know how war is senseless, and he will agree, but he will argue we need a big stick and ‘wield’ it. He fears ISIS. Again, respect is due to folks like him. ISIS, and other violent groups, like American racists, are a plague on all humanity, I say. However, a refugee fleeing from that same evil is not a terrorist; they are terrorized. Also, I find that issues like global warming and healthcare to be areas that we can agree. In in that way, a bridge is formed.

The same is true of people who have been displaced by corporations via outsourcing or even worse, making their severance contingent on training their replacement! All of us can see how bitter and angry they become. They turn to Rush, etc. who will scream that this was all Mr. Obama’s fault, despite the reality that the business follows one mantra: keep the shareholders happy and the profits soaring.

Finally, on immigration, which can be a tough subject to broach, here is something to ask others (or yourself). If we cast a net 11 million people wide, how will we know who is legal or illegal? Should those with brown faces wear a large, scarlet A on their chest to signal that they are ‘aliens’? Or are any of us comfortable going up to these people asking them to “show me your papers.”

I don’t know if the gardener, hotel worker, farm worker, child caregiver are legal or not. The construction worker, roofer, or neighbor on my block—I would never ask them to prove to ME that they belong here, legally. Would your moderate friends “on the other side of the aisle” be willing to do that? And if they are illegally here, would they call ICE and have them arrested and torn from their families, many of which are blended since some are US citizens. Here, in California, this is an issue on every block, every town, every part of a state that depends on these workers daily.

                   *****                                   *****                                   *****                                  

Last week I sat in the gallery of the United States’ Senate and watched the confirmation of Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch. What struck me was that three senators spoke: McCain, Hatch and Durbin, but when they did, not one senator stayed to hear the other’s plea. They just walked out. Oh, there was the obligatory “my friend on the other side of the aisle” opening; then a nod or a smile, depending on party loyalty, and then they turned and left. No one listened that day, just ‘we the people’ of the gallery. Then, one by one, senators came in to vote up or down. Smiles on one side, frowns on the other.

The rules had to be broken because consensus could not be reached. I felt sorry for the one man caught in the political clash of ill will. His name is Merrick Garland. His flaw. He was a centrist. He was President Obama’s choice as The Constitution demands.

Let us not emulate this behavior. Let’s be SMART in our conversations with friends on either side of the aisle.

“To My Friends on the Other Side of the Aisle” Part 1

I was asked by the smart people at SMART (Social Media Approaches for Resisting Trump) to put in my two cents on how to communicate with the folks who support the Trump “agenda” (if there is one that is not changing dramatically each day), and since I am a “professional communicator” of sorts, and I have lived and worked among some folks ‘on the other side of the aisle’-- I have taken up this daunting challenge…it is not for the faint of heart. This is Part 1 of 2.

First, know your audience. There are two distinct camps, your relatives make up this tribe. Your friends hang out at the other campsite. (More on them in Part 2.) I would label family the “Blow it all up!” brigade.  This clan used to only follow the Tea Party’s Grover Norquist ideology that government is the enemy of the people, and it should be choked to death in a bathtub. Their rallying cry is Reagan’s ironically unpatriotic slogan:"I’m from the government and I’m here to help!” (which really was a punchline for a joke, rather than his political agenda). After all, he was a president who did actually reach across the aisle as he did with 1986 Tax Reform Bill fought for by senators Bill Bradley (D) and Bob Packwood (R) and a bipartisan group of congressmen.  Oh, those were the days!

The “Blow it all up!” brigade, incited by the Rush, Sean, and No-Spin/No Job Bill crowd, are unlikely to listen to you. But Trump put a new wrinkle on the ‘no government gang’: “End Globalization-- America First! Nationalism is here to stay!” This has been the dry wood that burns the hottest and fastest. Trump tapped into this firestorm. It is red meat to people who are starving, and I do mean starving, for someone to care about their poverty, their loss of jobs, their sagging opportunities, their outsourced jobs and shuttered factories. Trump’s actions have little to do with their plight, but that truly is beside the point.

That’s what you’re dealing with when it comes to the “Blow it up’ brigade. They are pissed. They see the elites in DC and on the two coasts not understanding what is happening in the ‘fly over states—the rust belt…well, Bernie Sanders did, but he was a “comrade” in Trump’s world.

My advice, if you are brave enough (or caught in holiday crossfire) is ...just listen, and calmly walk away. The more you argue, the worst it gets. It will usually climax with a relative spewing out remarks like these I have heard: “Obama never did a day’s work, all he did was community organizing”; Hillary is the most corrupt politician ever!”; “All I want is government to give me a military and build my roads”; “Trump will bring back jobs taken by the illegals!”; “Obama was a pussy!”;”Hillary is evil!”. And as a topper, Pew research in 2016 reported that only 15% of conservative Republicans believe that the planet is warming, and man made causes are the major culprit. Why? “It’s a hoax created by China!”

If you are ready for that vitriol—good luck. But don’t let it escalate to that. Really nobody on either side of the family aisle really wants that dialogue to occur. Cooler heads might prevail…hopefully. But more likely family will be fractured, and trust will be lost. Best put your toe in that camp’s waters and jump back from the icy cold. Listen and learn. It will serve you well when dealing with the other camp—your friends and their spouses. Stay tuned for that in Part 2.

“To My Friends on the Other Side of the Aisle…”

I was asked by the smart people at SMART (Social Media Approaches for Resisting Trump) to put in my two cents on how to communicate with the folks who support the Trump “agenda” (if there is one that is not changing dramatically each day), and since I am a “professional communicator” of sorts, I have taken up this daunting challenge.

That was two weeks ago. I am still undaunted, but I must say that speaking to those on the “other side of the aisle” is not for the faint of heart. However, to quote Oprah: “Here is what I know for sure.”

First, know your audience. There are two distinct camps. My guess is you know one of them. I would label them the “Blow it all up!” brigade. They are your relatives, most likely. Your friends, if you still communicate with them, are in the other campsite. More on that in a minute. The “Blow it all up!” tribe follow the Tea Party’s Grover Norquist ideology that government is the enemy of the people, and it should be choked to death in a bathtub, yadda, yadda. Their rallying cry is Reagan’s ironically unpatriotic slogan:"I’m from the government and I’m here to help” (which really was a punchline for a joke he used rather than his political agenda; after all, he was a big spender, a military activist, and not at all popular with the air traffic controllers.)

So these folks, incited by the Rush, Sean, No-Spin/No Job Bill and Alex Jones crowd, are unlikely to listen to you. My advice, if you are brave enough (or have just been caught in a holiday crossfire) is ...just listen. The more you argue, the worst it gets. It will usually end with the ‘friends on the other side of the aisle’ spewing out remarks like these I have heard: “Obama never did a day’s work since all he did was community organizing”; “Obama was a pussy!”; Hillary is the most corrupt politician...ever!”; “All I want is government to give me a military and build my roads”; “Trump is a businessman, and he will bring back jobs taken by the illegals.”And as a topper, Pew research in 2016 reported that only 15% of conservative Republicans believe that the planet is warming, and man made causes are the major culprit.

If you are ready for that vitriol—good luck. But don’t let it escalate to that. Really nobody (on either side of the aisle really wants that discourse to occur. Cooler heads will prevail…hopefully. Best to put your toe in that camp’s waters and discover that the temperature is icy cold. Listen and learn. That’s how I heard each of these virulent words. (That’s right, I’m not writing fiction here.)

So that group probably makes up 30% of the electorate. Those numbers will shrink as the weeks go by (and already are: see Trump’s unpopularity among Republicans). Once they realize coal ain’t coming back because it is not cost effective (what really matters); jobs are being automated or obsolete (the real problem); and Trump has contradicted himself into a corner with Russia, China, and NATO allies (making himself look foolish, ignorant, or lazy)—well, by then, that group will not be so in your face

So that brings us to the Republicans whom you can speak with and have a solid conversation. These are friends who usually have the sense to not discuss politics unless it comes up naturally in conversation. They are not going to threaten their cherished friendship with you over the latest Sean Spicer gaff or Trump ‘whiplash’ change in what he will do on “day one of my administration.” They will diplomatically say things like this: “I can’t stand Trump-he’s an idiot, but I couldn’t possibly vote for Hillary so I voted for McCain”; “I have friends who are legal Mexicans and they don’t favor the illegal Mexicans coming here ignoring our immigration laws”; “I didn’t want to vote for Trump, but I have had enough of the Clintons—we needed change”; “Let’s give him a chance”; “Well, I am very concerned with his climate change policy, but on other things like jobs, he understands business and government over-regulations.” Now these people you can have a conversation with, and hopefully give them food for thought.

Let me give you some advice, first. Tom Friedman’s newest book Thank You for Being Late is quite an eye opener—and I heartily recommend it. Some of his best arguments illustrate how the vast number of Americans really do believe in the idea that ours is the finest government the world has ever seen, regardless of the fact we are still far from a “more perfect union.” Here is an excerpt that I hope he does not sue me over:

“The G.O.P. used to be an incredibly rich polyculture. It gave us ideas as diverse as our national
parks (under Theodore Roosevelt), the Environmental Protection Agency and Clean Air and Water Acts (under Richard Nixon), radial nuclear arms control and the Montreal Protocol to close the ozone layer (under Ronald Reagan), cap-and-trade to curb acid rain (under George H.W. Bush), and market-based health care reform (under Mitt Romney)….And for decades the party itself was a pluralistic amalgam of northern liberal Republicans and southern and western conservatives.” 

Pretty amazing, huh? In other words, President Obama would be one of the gang.

However, in the very next sentence (on pg. 321), Friedman puts the pedal to the political metal.

“But in recent years the Tea Party and other hyperconservative forces, also funded in large part by fossil fuel companies and oil billionaires, have tried to wipe out the Republican Party’s once rich polyculture and turn it into a monoculture that’s enormously susceptible to diseased ideas: climate change is a hoax; evolution never happened; we don’t need immigration reform. All this weakened the G.O.P’s foundation and opened the way for an invasive species such as Donald Trump to make deep inroads into the garden.”

And what is the effect? America has a Republican Party that cannot govern because the two camps cannot agree—and that they cannot agree on, say, Obamacare, is a good thing because the “Blow it all up” gang wants to privatize everything, which means if you can afford it, you are just fine. If not, well, that’s the Natural Law of life. Only the strong survive. They will not be ‘Thy Brother’s Keeper.” Mind you, they espouse Christian values. No Christians I know believe this.

Perhaps sharing Friedman’s history lesson and his understanding of the Tea Party may help in communicating to moderate, fair minded friends “on the other side of the aisle.”

Finally, on immigration, which can be a tough subject to broach, here is something to ask others (or yourself). If we cast a net 11 million people wide, how will we know who is legal or illegal? Should those with brown faces wear a large, scarlet A on their chest to signal that they are ‘aliens’ to our nation? Or are any of us comfortable going up to these people asking them to “show me your papers.”

I don’t know if the gardener, hotel worker, farm worker, child caregiver are legal or not. The construction worker, roofer, or neighbor on my block—I would never ask them to prove to ME that they belong here, legally. Would your moderate friends “on the other side of the aisle” be willing to do that? And if they are illegally here, would they call the police, have them arrested and torn from their families, many of which are blended because some of the family are US citizens. I’ve been with these people. Language seems to be the barrier to legal citizenship, that and the dreadful time table it takes, or the fact that America has one standard for ‘highly educated foreigners’ and a different one for ‘labors.’ Here in California, this is an issue on every block, every town, every part of a state that depends on these workers on a daily basis.

                   *****                                   *****                                   *****                                   

Last week I sat in the gallery of the United States’ Senate and watched the confirmation of Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch. What struck me was that three senators spoke: McCain, Hatch and Durbin, but when they did, not one senator stayed to hear the other’s plea. They just walked out. Oh, there was the obligatory “my friend on the other side of the aisle” opening; then a nod or a smile, depending on party loyalty, and then they turned and left. No one listened that day, just ‘we the people’ of the gallery. Then, one by one, senators came in to vote up or down. Smiles on one side, frowns on the other.

The rules had to be broken because consensus could not be reached. I felt sorry for the one man caught in the political clash of ill will. His name is Merrick Garland. His flaw. He was a centrist. He was President Obama’s choice as The Constitution demands.

Let us not emulate this behavior. Let’s be SMART in our conversations with friends on either side of the aisle.

Robert Pacilio

April 19, 2017