The Wisdom of Solomon: a parable for our Congress

One day King Solomon, revered for his wisdom, was listening to the oldies station and tapping his

feet to song “Won’t Get Fooled Again,” and he asked his scribe, “Who sings this song?” The Scribe replied, “My Lord, The Who.”

“That’s what I’m asking you,” replied the King.

“That’s the name of the band, My Lord.” The scribe went on ascribing. The King thought Strange name, but the song certainly makes a good point. I need to remember not to be fooled…again.

Of course, this was not a problem for the King, since, after all, he was endowed with that aforementioned wisdom; that is until the day when two men, both claiming to be the father of the same child, approached in a fierce argument. One of his soldiers was holding a baby between them.

“What is the problem?” the King asked—though he was aware this scene had played out numerous times in his time as king.

The soldier replied, “Both of these fathers claim the baby is his, My Lord.”

“Hmm. What say you two?" The Solomon demanded.

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Naturally, both accused each the other of stealing their precious child. Since neither seemed to give an inch and blamed the other (apparently they accused each other of listening to reports they claimed were 'fake news', the King used his tried and true method to settle this dispute. 

Taking out his sword, he said, “Fine, I’ll just cut the baby in half and you both have a dead baby to bring home.” He raised the sword but stopped a fraction of an inch from the child’s head….

Stunned, King Solomon looked at the two fathers and said, “Gentleman, you do realize this works every time, right? One of you is supposed to be the real father and let the other have the baby because you’d rather see the baby live than die…and then I say, in my wisest voice, "Ah, the one who gives the baby up is the real father! You do know that, right!”

The men just shrugged and claimed the other is the lair.

Puzzled, the King stopped and wondered what was wrong with this scene. He then turned to the men and asked, “Wait! Where are your wives?”

Both fathers said their wives were home doing wifely duties: scrubbing, laundry, cooking, etc. And the both said in unison: “They know that their place is in the home, not here in the court of law.!"

Solomon ordered them to get their wives pronto. The intimidated fathers ran away to fetch their wives. Upon their return with wives in hand, Solomon told the soldier to gag the fathers and blindfold them. And for good measure, put headsets on each man with blaring guitar solos by Metallica. Then he told the women what he had told the men: “I will cut the child in half and you can each have part of the child.”

He raised the sword and, this time the wife for whom the child truly belonged offered the child up to the other woman. And, as legend goes, Solomon realized that this was the true mother, for no mother could allow her child to die. No woman could be THAT stubborn (and sadistic). Solomon ordered false father and mother to shut up and accept his decision, and if there was any further acrimony he would have ICE deport them to some God forsaken place he heard of called Siberia.

Then, to his scribe he said: “Make a note—we need more women in power around here or else nothing gets done.”

As morals go this one is pretty evident. Elect more qualified women to office--(and while we are at it, make sure term limits are created.)

Note from the author: This is my first blog of 2018 and I was flummoxed about what to write considering all the turmoil in the nation; thus a whimsical parable seemed a good start. 

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