I've been slowly 'touring' with the Bruce Springsteen's autobiography by my nightstand. My first blogjourney dealt with the opening 100 pages, his childhood, and the teenage world on the Jersey Shore. Next I rode 'shotgun' with Bruce through the heart of the E Street Band's biggest, boldest, baddest days in the USA. Naturally, each album and Bruce's personal journey gave me insight into my own life's adventures (banal compared to his). Although there are no soaring anthems in my life, there are a great many songs I have sung from America's Troubadour.Part three: California Dreaming.
1. Parenting is not for the faint of heart or the recklessness of youth. Bruce was 40, Patti 36 when their first born came into their lives...to crawl, not run. When your life's work, its message, your ambitions are soaring, it's like a wild (and innocent) ride on Thunder Road. Up, down, all around. You have little time to give to others, unconditionally. And that unconditional love is what matters most. It can't come with strings attached--and it can't be 'Mom's job.' I've been married 31 years, and our children came to us in our very early 30's. By then, I had given 13 years to coaching and teaching other people's kids. It was a great honor. Then, I wrote extensively, and those Readers Theaters were part of my soul, too. But once I met my wife Pam, I knew that I had played solo long enough. She was to be my Band. And as for the children...
2. You are not on stage; your children are, and you are the audience. Imagine being the three Springsteen children, or for that matter, any children born into a world where the limelight far outshines the night light. Bruce's wealth was a comfort, but all of us know that no amount of money satisfies a child who longs for the time, the attention, and the audience that both parents must provide. That's tough for a Front Man like Bruce, and not so easy for a rather vocal, center-of-attention-person like yours truly. If you don't realize they are the 'show' and their life's endeavors and evolution are on LIVE, (and you can't record it and watch it later) then as Patti tells Bruce, "You'll miss it." So you change with the times. You watch Barney, Sesame Street, and you listen to Now 3 (the album), while playing Super Mario (and always losing, not because you want them to win, but because you just suck at video games).
3. You are a team. Marriage is sacrifice. It is listening to the soulmate remind you of what you need to do to carry your load. Loving your family before your work, your games, your ambitions, well, that's a 'Man's Job'. Anyone who tells you differently is most likely a person tough to love...or divorced...with children bogged down with resentment.
4. Everyone needs a bike. When we were kids we rode, bad-ass, through the suburban streets to the tune of Born to Be Wild. Our bikes had banana seats on sting-ray wheels (no gears needed). Bruce's bikes were "chrome wheeled, fuel injected" and heading out to the Southwest desert roads. His rides were epic. But there was a freedom in the "Badlands," and the knowledge that came from those trips and the people you meet along the way, help shape your vision of this "Land of Hopes and Dreams." For me, it's my Klein 18 speed hybrid road bicycle that allows me ride the 101 Highway from Encinitas to Oceanside (California, in case you don't know). Sometimes you just gotta get out on the street and feel the wind blow through your hair...what's left of it...and just think. Or not. Or plan. Or stop at the Pannikin and meet Bob Bjorkquist for a cup of coffee with a splash of ideas to help shape your vision of what you want and how to get it.
and finally...
5. You have to decide what it is you believe, what you will stand for and what you will fight against. Bruce's song "The Ghost of Tom Joad" tells you a lot about who and what he values. It is probably naive to think that 'we can have it all' because, of course, no one can or should. "Life is difficult"--these are the words of M Scott Peck in his famous work "The Road Less Traveled." The sooner one accepts that the better. The accidents will happen and the road will be scary, ah, but a what ride! The point is that it took Bruce a long time to find his cause among all of those worth following. Tom Joad represents the soul of Springsteen's music.. Springsteen explains the views he and I share in simple terms: "Nobody wins unless everybody wins." Naive. Perhaps. But I don't cotton to zero sum games. And, in case one wonders who the heck Tom Joad is, Steinbeck's protagonist in "The Grapes of Wrath" explains:
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